Doomsday Hoax Bankrupts the Mayor!

Well here we are in 2013, I never thought I’ed live to see the day! That’s what I get for religiously watching the History Channel. Show after show all we heard was kiss your behind goodbye or start building a doomsday bunker.

I’m not a wealthy guy, and this Mayor position of the trailer park is more of a prestige thing then a regular paycheck. Its kind of like having trailer trash looking up to you is more important then having a paycheck, well at least until the bills come in at the end of the month.

Anyways, I got sucked in on this whole doomsday idea, and seeing as I live in a 1963 mobile home I wasn’t able to build a $400,000 elaborate underground bunker like the Doomsday Preppers on the History Channel did. So I cashed in my entire 401K-retirement fund, all $837 dollars of it. Then I converted an abandoned septic tank into my private doomsday shelter. Come to think of it, this is the first home I ever had that didn’t have wheels on it.

Then I stocked it with all the essentials so as I could survive through the next decade. I spent a whole week taking supplies down into my new home. I was able to get, 40 cases of beer, 18 gallons of wine, 63 bags of potato chips, 18 dozen of Twinkies, and 92 Penthouse Magazines, all into my new home. I’m not quite sure what I was going to do with the Penthouse magazines with out any lighting fixtures in my bunker, but I just hated to leave them behind. Proper search can be made at the online sites or search engines to get the services of the qualified bankruptcy lawyer san diego. The offering of the services will be excellent for the person. 

On Dec 20th I settled in my new home and broke open the first bottle of wine. Needless to say I was scared to death, even with the help of the wine I still had the shakes. But around 11:30 that evening I was able to pass out on my bed made of several bags of potato chips, and left all my fears behind me. Then just a few hours later and well into the 21st of Dec, I was awaken by a loud rumble and water started coming into my shelter with great force!

I jumped up screaming for my dear life. I thought for sure the world had turned over and the oceans were on top of me now! Still in the dark and under the influence of the cheap wine, I stumbled around and finally got a match lit.

As the darkness disappeared, I could clearly see that the oceans weren’t coming in, and all the raucous was from someone flushing a toilet. At this point I’m not sure who has made this invasion of my new home but I could sure tell you what they had for supper.

Still convinced that the world is coming to an end I remained underground until the morning of the 22nd. I killed 2 Gal of wine a 4 six packs during my underground stay, counted 4 flushes, went up for fresh air 7 times, and chewed all my finger nails off, during my bunker stay.

But on the morning of the 22nd I arose from the darkness and seen daylight again for the first time in 48 hours. As I was standing there looking at the beautiful sky and gagging from the fumes and odor that followed me out of the bunker, I noticed the Garcia’s were home. They have been working out of state (picking fruit) for months, I suppose this septic tank that I thought was abandoned is connected to there trailer. I guess that explains my nightmare of drowning in a toilet at Taco Bells.

Well long story short, I think I’m done with the History Channel. From now one I think I’m going to spend my evenings watching Sponge Bob Square Pants! And tomorrow I’m going to plant a For Sale Sign in front of my Doomsday Bunker!


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Corine Jones is a writer, editor and web designer. She graduated from the University of Pennsylvania with a degree of Journalism. She is currently the editorial manager of Coyote Rescue.

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